David Bowie's Cat People

Meet Pancake!

After succesfully manipulating my 4 year old brother into pandering for a kitten, I now own a fury friend. Blueberry Pancake, commonly referred to as Pancake, is simply adorable. She is odd-eyed (the medical term for one blue eye and one green eye). Suprisingly enough, she and Gus are polite to one another. It's Cade that she has to worry about. So far, he has innocently managed to submerge her in an enclosed ice chest and carries her around the neck. She brings elated joy into my life. I just hope that I can remember to feed her...

Baby mammaaaa.

Alas, I have determined my purpose on this God-forsaken Earth.
While employed at our local gym, Anatomies, I have come to consider myself a modern-day midwife and wet nurse. Despite my obvious lacking lactation, I delegate time out. I build forts. And against my better will, I wipe noses.

See...I hang in the Kid Zone, or child care.

Since high school, my aunts and I have mocked the "Anatomies moms" in Oak Grove. On a daily basis, they are found wearing their work-out attire around town (ie: grocery shopping or picking the children up from school). All day. And don't be surprised if that only consists of a Nike sports bra and spandex booty shorts. In addition to the essential uniform, their hair and make-up are always perfectly intact.

The Ralph Lauren army of children that I watch are consistently present because of their mother's unwavering dedication to upholding the pre-baby physical appearance. It's nauseating.

My fellow employees and the Stepford wives discuss the effects of their silicon injected chests in regards to their Bod Pod results (a tool used to determine body fat).

I can't help but wonder if the daily four hours that I spend playing Duck Duck Goose and coloring is more time than even their own mothers invest.

Anatomies: a brilliant and effective form of birth control.

Shake it like a Polaroid picture.

Yesterday, I visited BODIES...The Exhibition in Mobile. It showcases real, Asian human cadavers. The bodies were positioned in disturbing positions, such as playing soccer, lunging, or riding a bike. They preserve the specimens using polymer preservation, or plastication.

I kept repeating in my head, "These are real people," "These are real people." I tried to imagine specific scenarios that emphasized their existence (ie: getting ready for work, kissing, or boogie dancing). But I couldn't.

My favorite part was the showcase of fetuses. And the gift shop merchandise which sold souvenirs like ear-shaped page clippers and esophagus pens.

Do The Harry

In my day....Barney ruled the 2-9 age span. Today, there's a new bear on the block.

With rap's increasing popularity, Discovery channel producers have created an interactive children's television series, Hip Hop Harry.

Harry sports the sideways baseball cap and a large 'H' embelem around his neck, strangely similar to Flava Flav.

Harry's gang of education loving bandits dance as if they were auditioning for Step-Up 9. Just yesterday, I walked in the room and found my 4 year old brother, Cade, attempting to reproduce a wannabe Soulja boy move.

Hip Hop Harry utilizes the song's catchy beats to promote washing your hands, drinking water, and sharing.

Harry even has his own MySpace.

Poor Barney.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=14_1qsOk_Ps

Jam Homewrecker

Every Thursday at 7:56pm, I sprawl across my couch in eager anticipation for NBC's Emmy Award winning mockumentary sitcom, The Office. I adore it. The character's quick glances and subtle satire are genius. I consistently day dream about employment at Dunder Mifflin in Scranton. Contributing to the joy it brings is the dreamy paper salesman, Jim Halpert. Unfortunately, little Jimmy is pretty emotionally invested in the receptionist, Pam Beesley...

I won't sugar coat this. Each time that they interact, I experience intense pain. Heartache. I. Want. Pam. Out. Of. The. Picture.

......

That's better...True love <3.

Death Becomes Her

Dear Channing,
Send $100,000 or Susie Q. gets it!

Already, she has endured intentional inflicted physical and mental suffering caused by Osama Teddy.

Despite your current Middle Eastern residence, it is necessary that you closely comply. Or else.


Thank you.

Regulation Hotties

I always want what I can't have.

As shown below, here are images of good looking men who just happen to be younger than the the legal age of 18.

David Archeluto from American Idol. Aw, Adorable.

Cary Robbins, a fellow employee from The Grand.


A recently popular actor, Freddie Highmore.


The Kennan Richards, my future eternal companion. ----


Those who are 50+....

Pierce Brosnan- Hotttttt.

President George W. Bush. One word- power.

Harrison Ford, baby.

And last but not least, Robert Redford.