Sunday, June 29, 2008

Tributes, Voluntary Submission, & Affection

I am the beloved niece to three blogging fools. And this, my friends, is a much anticipated tribute to them. Aren't they precious?
Pictured above are my Aunt Beth, Aunt Emmie, & Aunt Amanda at my mom's 40th birthday bowling extravaganza. Sunday lunches at Grandma's are never lame due to their surplus of charm and wit. Lest we forget the fashion. Their kids aren't too bad either.
I wish to offer a challenge to each of you. A battle, if you must, for the title of "Hannah's Notably Preferred Aunt." Feel free to offer me large sums of money, feed me extravagant meals, or scratch my back for a complete hour (minus the "gritties").
I'm sorry that you live so far away Aunt Bethany.. I recognize that this puts you in a serious delima. Don't think I haven't factored this into the equation. Nothing makes my day like an unexpected UPS delivery though. Texts are nice too. Just for future reference...
To be honest though, I've just left the lovely home of Mandy Pandy. While visiting with Lauren, she finger fed me grapes and slathered my wheat crackers in crab dip. I think she might be winning..
I love them dearly--even when we quarrel over moral terminology. <3

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

David Bowie's Cat People

Meet Pancake!

After succesfully manipulating my 4 year old brother into pandering for a kitten, I now own a fury friend. Blueberry Pancake, commonly referred to as Pancake, is simply adorable. She is odd-eyed (the medical term for one blue eye and one green eye). Suprisingly enough, she and Gus are polite to one another. It's Cade that she has to worry about. So far, he has innocently managed to submerge her in an enclosed ice chest and carries her around the neck. She brings elated joy into my life. I just hope that I can remember to feed her...

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Baby mammaaaa.

Alas, I have determined my purpose on this God-forsaken Earth.
While employed at our local gym, Anatomies, I have come to consider myself a modern-day midwife and wet nurse. Despite my obvious lacking lactation, I delegate time out. I build forts. And against my better will, I wipe noses.

See...I hang in the Kid Zone, or child care.

Since high school, my aunts and I have mocked the "Anatomies moms" in Oak Grove. On a daily basis, they are found wearing their work-out attire around town (ie: grocery shopping or picking the children up from school). All day. And don't be surprised if that only consists of a Nike sports bra and spandex booty shorts. In addition to the essential uniform, their hair and make-up are always perfectly intact.

The Ralph Lauren army of children that I watch are consistently present because of their mother's unwavering dedication to upholding the pre-baby physical appearance. It's nauseating.

My fellow employees and the Stepford wives discuss the effects of their silicon injected chests in regards to their Bod Pod results (a tool used to determine body fat).

I can't help but wonder if the daily four hours that I spend playing Duck Duck Goose and coloring is more time than even their own mothers invest.

Anatomies: a brilliant and effective form of birth control.