Baby mammaaaa.

Alas, I have determined my purpose on this God-forsaken Earth.
While employed at our local gym, Anatomies, I have come to consider myself a modern-day midwife and wet nurse. Despite my obvious lacking lactation, I delegate time out. I build forts. And against my better will, I wipe noses.

See...I hang in the Kid Zone, or child care.

Since high school, my aunts and I have mocked the "Anatomies moms" in Oak Grove. On a daily basis, they are found wearing their work-out attire around town (ie: grocery shopping or picking the children up from school). All day. And don't be surprised if that only consists of a Nike sports bra and spandex booty shorts. In addition to the essential uniform, their hair and make-up are always perfectly intact.

The Ralph Lauren army of children that I watch are consistently present because of their mother's unwavering dedication to upholding the pre-baby physical appearance. It's nauseating.

My fellow employees and the Stepford wives discuss the effects of their silicon injected chests in regards to their Bod Pod results (a tool used to determine body fat).

I can't help but wonder if the daily four hours that I spend playing Duck Duck Goose and coloring is more time than even their own mothers invest.

Anatomies: a brilliant and effective form of birth control.